Had a busy last couple of week, having to go to Houston twice in 8 days, presenting papers and winning competitions, running 5ks and overall being social. Some of these events are worth noting on my tall diary.
Houston Trip #1 and College Station
Had to go to the Brazilian consulate to get married again. To the same person I may add, but needed to convince the Brazilian government that I am now a married person. To do so I needed either two Brazilians with me as witness to tell them that me and Cara are not related, do not have any mental illnesses or diseases, and are not minors. Or I could have two Americans sign this piece of paper stating that they think my wedding was cool. Turns out not even the Brazilian government trust Brazilians to have them just sign something, the have to be there in person.
Going up the elevator to the consulate two douche looking Brazilian teenagers make a feel jokes about me being tall, assuming of course that there is no way that tall brown guy is Brazilian. I stay quiet in the elevator and just follow them into the consulate and into the Brazilians only line. They sure looked scared when they realized I understood what they were saying. I thought that silence would be more awkward than if I told them I could understand them and I was right! At the consulate the lady working there is filling out my paperwork without looking at me. She is talking and suddenly when she actually looks in my direction she is surprised.
“I need 10 dollars to f… oh my God you are tall!” Yes madam, I know that….
Then we and a school colleague go to College Station, where she is from, for some good times. I don’t remember all the events that happened there but there were your usual tall comments coupled with the creepiness of College Station, where I was “branded” with permanent markers at a bar for not being from Texas, almost got lynched by a mob of drunk Texans that were trying to steal my friend’s camera and were not fond of the Spanish language, and had to hear from the cult that is College Station how much better than the whole world they are. Normally, when we are somewhere that is not Texas and people start boasting about the state we can normally tell whoever is making the comment to shut the f… up and go on with our lives. The problem in College Station is that there is no one to tell them to shut the f… up so they don’t shut up about Texas and how great a state that is. Hate to burst your bubble Texas people, but your state sucks just like any other state…but I digress, back to tall tales.
Houston Trip #2
Had to go to Houston again a week after the first trip to get Cara her Salmon Card. While in Houston we hang out with one of our good friends that goes to Rice for her PhD. Rice gained many cool points on my book for being one of the only schools in the country that has a bar on campus. My friend Jaci kept talking about this grad students bar that had cheap beer, but I always thought it was just a bar that grad students go to, like Henrys here in Lawrence. Turns out the grad student bar is actually ran by grad students in a school building basement, pretty cool if you ask me!
While at this bar we decided go outside to drink because the weather was too nice to stay in a dingy basement. We stood outside by this huge tree. As we hang out outside this weird dude comes close to us and tells us:
“Man you are tall! You are as tall as that tree!”
The tree was at least 20 feet high and thick as hell. This story is not funny and doesn’t really have a point, other than this guy was wither very drunk or has not real perception of human height and tree size.
Kansas City Social
Last night went to my friend’s Gail “25th birthday” at the Levee in KC. As we meet up with friends we are talking in a circle, I feel this poking on my back, a constant poking. As I look back this short lady is measuring herself on me to her friends, and just poking the hell of my lower back. As I turn she goes: “You are so f… tall!” I guess the measuring herself to other people is something she does on a regular basis because I never got an explanation why she was doing it…
Drunk lady also managed to lose her shoes while measuring herself on me. I guess she wanted to make sure she got her real height on the moving height measurement machine named Pedro, but then managed to lose them shoes. This event marked the first time Rachel experienced a “tall moment” and she was really excited about it. Now she can say “I know what he is talking about because I was there” when she reads this story!
5K this morning
I just got back from a 5K and I thought I could go back to sleep, but no luck so far. That is why I decided to write this entry. Placed 20th in my age group and placed first in the “people over 6’7″ group.” The more I run these stupid 5Ks the more I realize that running long (or longer) distance is not something that tall people should expect to excel.
As we are lining up for the race this couple behind me taps my back I says: “We are going to just follow you!” Now, I know by the look on their faces that the comment was supposed to be a tall comment, but the reality of it is that it made no sense whatsoever. Why would they follow me? Are they implying that our paces are similar, and if so, is that a compliment (I am fast) or are they making fun of me (I am slow)? So to help them out I threw the bone: “Yeah, if you are behind me you won’t get lost!” And they laughed and they laughed and they laughed! Still not sure if it was that funny, and I am pretty sure they did not care since they just wanted to remind me of my tallness, and in a weird way they did. I am sure they will tell their friends that they saw this really tall guy running and their friends will say “so?” to them, which is what I expect happens to a lot of average people after a tall encounter.
One More Busy Week: Chicago!
Wednesday I drive up to Chicago, where I stay until Sunday when i go to Omaha with Brother Gibb. I am pretty sure both Chicago and Omaha will produce some tall tales, so stay tuned for the next installment of my life.
Big People, Little World 